Louder than Thunder
by AJexpress
Summary: Renesmee is confused. What does she really feel for her best friend, Jacob? After her strange dream she is left struggling to grasp their friendship, trying to comprehend what she really feels for him. How is this going to influence her relationship with Jacob? Will things change for the better... or for the worst?
1. Chapter 1

**Woo hoo! Another story! Hope you like, the story is inspired by the song _Louder than Thunder_ by _The Devil wears Prada._ Check it out sometime! Hope you enjoy! - AJ  
**

 _When my eyes opened I was blinded with a flurry of bright colors. I held my right hand before my eyes, trying to shield the light from burning my sensitive retinas. I waited for a moment before lowering my hand viewing my surroundings. I was shocked to see I was in forest filled with odd colors; yellows, pinks, a whole rainbow of different hues. It didn't look like the forest that resided by my home- which was only boring, dull shades of green, browns, and blacks. Here it was magical, almost like coming out of the story books my mother and father used to read to me._

 _I listened to the ruffling of the wind in the trees with my advanced hearing, listening to them flutter against the rough blow of air filtering through the wooded area._

 _I glanced around again, trying to identify where I was, and how I got here. I took a hesitant step forward; the sound of crinkling leaves being step on beneath the soles of my thick fur boots. When I felt comfortable and like there wasn't any signs of danger I continued, walking through the dense scenery of bushes. I used my hand to move any stray branches that hung low in my vision._

 _I don't know how long I walked for before the breeze brushed a familiar scent under my nose. The smell of smoky bonfires wavered into my nostrils instantly relaxing me. It was the smell I associated with home, it made me feel safe and secured- like nothing could hurt me._

" _Jacob?" I called out softly, looking around trying to locate him. I couldn't see him no matter what way I turned. I even glanced up at the canopy of rainbow leaves to see if he was in a tree hiding. When I couldn't find him I frowned, confused. Where could he be?_

 _Sniffing the air carefully I tried to grasp his lingering scent, when I caught it I quickly began following it, running in a light jog through the thick plant-life._

 _The scent brought me to the edge of woods, into some sort of clearing. There were thousands of different flowers, each one unique in color and size. Right away I walked through a small field of purple wild flowers, trying to follow the scent with the overwhelming smell of floral plants surrounding me. The smell of flowers was making it difficult to locate who I was searching for._

 _I walked further out into the meadow of flowers, my eyes falling onto a large figure laying in a bed of yellow Black-eyed Susans. When I approached the figure closer I recognized the man instantly. His sharp cut jawline, his flat and wide nose, even with his closed eyes I knew they were slanted and almond shaped. His full lips were slightly parted, breathing softly. His strong and muscular arms were crossed behind his skull as a make-shift pillow, keeping it raised off the ground._

 _I glanced at the length of his body, my eyes wandering up to his bare chest that was rising and falling with each inhale and exhale of air. His abdomen was lean and muscular, clear of any ounce of fat. My eyes lingered on the faint trail of hair under his belly button that led into the elastics of his pants before I flash my eyes quickly back up at his face to make sure he didn't catch me staring._

 _The pit of my stomach felt hot like I just drank a whole cup of hot chocolate that came straight off the pot on the stove, it burned almost painfully._

 _Standing I leaned over him, my long hair tumbling over my shoulders and hovering over him. I yearned to touch him, but I didn't want to awaken him from his peaceful slumber. I rarely ever saw him sleeping and at ease, he was usually all over the place. Joking and playing around with me. It was nice seeing him relaxed for once._

 _I wanted to run my hands through his thick, messy hair that hasn't been cut for a while. I preferred his hair to be longer, but he said it was easier for him to keep it cleanly cut to his head. I loved Jacob no matter what he looked like though. If he were to come over to my house in a pair of holey pants and some old and stained shirt I couldn't have cared less. I was just glad he would come and see me. All what mattered to me was being able to see Jacob. He is my best friend. Well, honestly, he was probably my only friend outside of my family and besides the wolves in his pack._

 _Suddenly a big gush of wind blew behind me, my hair blowing into tangles in front of my face. I pulled the hair away from in front of my eyes and tucked a large strand behind the shell of my ear. When I looked back down at his face I was surprised to see his eyes opened, warm dark chocolate orbs staring up at me; his lips upturned at the corners in a small smile._

 _My heart fluttered erratically beneath my left breast, hammering against my ribcage. Automatically a large smile formed on my lips; something that always seemed to happen when my eyes meet his. He began to sit up slowly, so I stepped back to give him space. He glanced up at me, his eyes following mine intensively._

" _What are you doing here Renesmee?" he asked curiously, leaning back on the palms of his hands._

" _I could smell you, so I followed your scent here to find you. I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked nervously, paying with the strand of hair I previously placed behind my ear._

 _He smiled gently, "When I caught a glimpse of your scent I woke up, but you don't have to feel bad. I like how you smell. It's calming to me."_

 _I could feel my face flush with pleasant warmth, my smile widening. I shyly stared down at him, watching his gaze as he continued to look up at me. "I like your scent too. It makes me feel safe, protected."_

 _He chuckled, lifting his hand and holding it out to me. I grabbed it, helping pull him up so he could stand on his feet. Now he towered above me, I had to lift my face upwards to look him in the eyes. He didn't let go of my hand, which was so small compared to his large ones. His whole hand wrapped completely around my own, his abnormal body heat warming my hand to the point where it felt like I was sticking it in a hot oven. He squeezed my hand softly, his silent way of asking me to use my gift._

 _I removed my limb from his grip, leaning up on my tip-toes to place my tiny hand against his warm cheek, cupping it gently. I watched him close his eyes, leaning his face into the palm of my hand. Waiting._

 _I let my guard down, allowing glimpses of thoughts to slip out the palm of my hand, transferring them to him. I showed him flashes of himself smiling at me, I show him how I felt when he stared at me; the way my heart raced against the wall of my chest, how much joy I felt when I was in his presence. I watch his smile widen a fraction when I accidently let slip the feelings of adoration and love I felt when he held me in his strong arms._

 _I quickly pulled my hand away, my face burning in shame. I looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes._

 _He grabbed both of my hands, pulling them up to his chest. I glanced up, surprised and confused. He wasn't disgusted with me? Didn't he realize what I accidentally showed him?_

" _Ness, you don't have to be afraid to show me your feelings." He whispered quietly, but I heard him loud and clear with my sensitive hearing._

 _My mouth gaped open, wanting to say something but was at a loss of words. What was I supposed to do now? What should I say? I wanted to desperately tell him those three words that circled my mind whenever I stared at him, but I just couldn't. It seemed impossible to form the words with my mouth, much less being able to spit them out._

" _J-Jacob." It was all what I could say, stuttering pathetically. He was the only one that could make me feel this way- like I was putty in the palm of his large, strong hands. He was the only one that could make me speechless, unsure what to say. I could usually say anything I wanted to around someone else, I could carry on a conversation without the other party even speaking. But he made me into a totally different person. Someone limited at speech, and painfully shy._

 _His towering form leaned down towards me, his gaze filled with desire- something I rarely saw unless he was speaking passionately about something he wanted or believed in. It made me freeze to my spot, my heart beating painfully fast beneath my breast. My mouth gaped open trying to form words, any words! But nothing was coming out._

" _Renesmee. I love you, with everything that I am, and everything I will ever be." He spoke huskily, pulling me closer to him until my chest was pressed against his own._

 _My eyes widened as he continued to lower his face closer, and closer, until finally his warm lips crashed urgently against my own, my mind going blank._

My eyes immediately snapped open, the sliver of light shining from the closed curtains hitting directly in my light-sensitive eyes. I blinked several times, trying to still my rapid heart that I feared would leap out of my chest. I was still, listening to my surroundings as I tried to wipe the dream away from my mind before my father could listen in on my thoughts.

I laid there quietly, staring up at the ceiling. I was confused on why I dreamt that certain dream. Sure, I've had plenty of dreams with Jacob in it, he was usually somehow included in at least one dream during the night while I slept. Most of them were random, us doing things we usually did together. Running in the woods, playing around with each other. But none where he… None of them were ever about what I just awoken from.

My face warmed instantly when the image of his face lowering down towards my own entered my train of thoughts.

What were these confusing feelings? Yes, I love Jacob. But it was more like a sibling type of love. It's not like I haven't thought about kissing him, but I never seriously dwelled on it. It was just a curious thought. It's only natural that I would think about kissing the only guy I spend time with that wasn't in my family... Isn't it?

I used to kiss him when I was younger, and he used to kiss me too. But it wasn't the way in which I just dreamt of. He would kiss my forehead in greeting or tucking me in at night. Or on the cheek when he said goodbye. I used to kiss his cheek when I was spending time with him, whenever I wanted to. There wasn't any real reason why I would, I just did it. There also wasn't any real reason why we stopped being affectionate in that way either. We simply just stopped, and I never seemed to care. Until now.

Why did we stop? My chest ached in longing. I missed being that close with Jacob, where we were comfortable sharing affection with each other. We barely even hugged anymore also. I frowned, slowly sitting up in my bed.

Was I developing different feelings for him? Why else would I have that sort of dream? I didn't realize when I started feeling different around him. I noticed somethings. Like how my heart rate would increase when I was around him, but I assumed it was because I was excited to see him. I also noticed how easily it was to smile when I looked in his dark eyes.

I clutched my head, slightly rocking back and forth.

This was bad. Jacob is my best friend. It was forbidden to feel… these odd and confusing feelings… I can't think this way about him! I felt my lips hesitantly with my fingertips, remembering the feeling of them from my dream. Oh Lord. What is wrong with me?

Maybe this is just me over thinking it? Maybe I don't have feelings for my friend, maybe I just had this strange dream and I began misinterpreting everything because the dream was surprising to me! I couldn't possibly have these strange feelings for Jacob! He practically help raise me for God's sake! It would be like having feelings for my father or mother, or anybody in my family for example!

I cringed at that thought. That's just gross! I don't have feelings for Jacob. This dream just messed with my head! Even if I did have feelings for my friend, I wouldn't be able to act on them. Jacob absolutely does not feel an ounce of those type of feelings for me! He loves me like I'm his younger sister!

My chest constricted almost painfully.

Jacob couldn't possible love me in that sort of way. It was just impossible.

Sliding out of bed I stumbled tiredly to my closet, slamming the door open to reveal a whole arrangement of expensive clothes. I sighed bitterly to myself. It was troubling having an aunt that dictates what I can and cannot wear. Maybe I liked to wear regular clothes? Like just plain jeans and a t-shirt? I grabbed the least flashy items I could see holding them up to my line of vision. A lengthy green knit sweater and a pair of soft black leggings.

I quickly ripped off my pajamas, tossing them in the hamper hiding in the corner of the walk-in closet. I than pulled on the clean set. The sweater fell to my mid-thighs, past my butt; the leggings clung to my legs like a second skin. I grabbed a pair of leather boots that pulled up to the middle of my calves, zipping them up.

Once I considered myself decent I opened the door of my bedroom, looking around the hallways. It was strange that for once nobody was outside my room. Usually one of my family members would be standing in the hallway, waiting. Living with a house-full of vampires, they would know when I woke up. I didn't have a lot of privacy because of the fact that everyone could hear every movement I made, and they could never sleep. They would be active and awake while I slept in my room upstairs, waiting for the moment I would wake up so they could spend time with me.

Since I was _special_ I only needed a maximum of five hours of sleep a night to be well-rested. I didn't need to sleep as long as a regular person needed because well, I'm only half human. Which means I only needed half the amount some full human needs. My family was fascinated with how different I was, and they loved to watch me sleep, eat, and do whatever a human does. Which was very embarrassing and annoying most of the time. Like I said, I don't have much privacy. But I don't blame them, I am completely different from what they've ever experienced. They only been full human, and full vampire; not half and half. So, most likely if I was in their shoes I would be interested in someone like myself also. Fascinated even.

Confused I walked down the stair case, gripping the metal railing on the glass steps. I could hear shuffling downstairs, and voices talking lowly. Once I step foot on the bottom of the landing everyone stopped talking, looking up at me.

I felt a rush of air beside me, my mother coming to stand by me in a blur too fast that I didn't at first notice her. I jumped when I looked over at her, my heart lurching in my chest in surprise. My mother still wasn't used to her vampiric speed even after being changed almost seven years ago. My other family members could control being able to walk up to me in a pace that wouldn't startled me, but mom still had trouble with that.

"Good morning Sweetheart, how did you sleep?", she asked with a small smile on her face. I glanced her up and down. She wore a black dress that most people would commonly wear out to a fancy dinner, but it was typical for them all to dress like that since aunt Alice shopped for everyone. I was the only one that really put up a fight to wear more common type of clothing that humans would wear. Mom told me she used to be the same way, until she was changed.

My family were all extremely beautiful and good-looking, they looked more like celebrities than the celebrities themselves do. Next to them, I would be what vampires call sub-par. I had similar beauty to vampires, but I also had a human side that made me not as attractive as an average vampire. I admit, I get jealous of the women in my family with how beautiful they look, I'm not going to lie. When I stand next to my mother I feel hollow and self-conscious. I wanted to be beautiful like her. I wanted to be beautiful like my aunts and my grandmother. But I was plain, and there wasn't a whole lot I could do to change that.

"I slept okay, just had a confusing dream." I replied honestly, my face heating up considerably. I tried extremely hard to keep my mind blank, but a flash of Jacob leaning down towards me flashed behind my eyes for the umpteenth time that morning. I blinked a few times in shock, my heart beginning to race.

I could feel the tension fill the room, everybody deathly silent.

"Would you like to show me?" my mother asked with interest lacing in her voice, gripping my shoulder gently.

My mouth gaped open, blood rushing to my head fast; I became dizzy with heat, unsure what to say.

"N-No!" I spit out in a stutter, flinching away from her touch to prevent myself from accidentally using my gift. I would be horrified if she saw it. I would die of embarrassment!

"Renesmee, can I talk to you?" I heard my father's voice come from the other side of me, his cold hand gripping my shoulder. I whipped my head to face him, my cheeks bleeding red with heat.

 _Oh, dear god, please tell me he didn't see my dream! This can't be happening! He's going to kill me!_

"Renesmee, it's okay." He reassured, gripping my shoulder. "You're not in trouble."

I ripped myself away from him embarrassed. "Can't you stay out of my head?! I don't want you reading my every little thought!"

"Honey, you know it's not that easy for me. It's like telling me not to hear. It's not that simple." He replied softly.

I felt my eyes sting with hot tears, "You didn't go telling everyone did you?! Why is everyone giving me strange looks?"

"No, I didn't tell anyone Renesmee, you don't need to get upset. Everyone can just feel how scared and confused you are." He reassured.

I glanced around the room staring at all my family. Their faces were masked mainly with some form of concern. My uncle Jasper was staring intensively at me, a frown on his face. I instantly felt bad. Jasper's gift made him sensitive to everyone's emotions, he could sense them and give out emotional vibes. If someone was feeling sad, he could give them a wave of a more positive and comforting emotion. His gift came in handy sometimes. But currently my distress was making him uncomfortable, and I felt guilty for doing so. Aunt Alice was standing beside him, grasping his hand trying to sooth him. Uncle Emmett had a concerned look on his face that was equally scrunched with an awkward grimace. He wasn't one that did well when I was upset. He usually stood off to the side, offering rare words of encouragement. His wife, aunt Rosalie, was usually like a hovering mother bear. But oddly enough today she stood off to the side; her lips forming a straight line that she usually shows when she is frustrated.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me, and I sorry I'm taking it out on all of you." I muttered, wiping my eyes aggressively with the back of my hands. I felt horrible. My family cared so much about me, and I was insensitive to their feelings. I honestly didn't deserve their love and care, but I was still grateful for them. I wish I could be more like them. I took my negative feelings out on the ones I love, and that was selfish of me.

Everyone started murmuring all at once, accepting my apology.

I felt arms wrap around my side, pulling me into a cold, hard embrace. Turning, I buried my face into the crook of my mother's neck. Wrapping my own arms around her shoulders. She held me like I was a fragile piece of glass that could easily break into a thousand of tiny pieces. She still wasn't quite aware of her strength, and was always extra careful around me. Sometimes it made me feel sad, because the only person I felt that could really give me a warm and snug hug was Jacob, and as much as I love Jacob I sometimes just wanted to feel that from either my mother or my father. But that was impossible, no matter how much I wished for it.

"Honey, we love you. All what we want is for you to be healthy and happy." My mother whispered into my ear softly. "You don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. We won't judge you."

I slid my hand up to her cheek, cupping the cold, stone-hard like skin. I closed my eyes and released my troublesome thoughts from my hands to slowly soak into her. I showed her glimpses of my dream, how happy I felt to be around Jacob, how I felt a rush of warmth before his lips touched my own; my thoughts after I awoke from my dream. The confusion and guilt from those strange feelings I had about him, but mainly the confusion of how I really felt for him. How disgusted I was with myself. How alone I felt, the fear of losing Jacob, the fear of disappointing everyone around me. Everything came tumbling out; everything slipped from my mind through the hand that was touching her. When I hesitantly opened my eyes to look at her, her face was scrunched up like she was going to cry- but that was impossible. She couldn't because she wasn't human.

I removed my hand, pulling it protectively against my chest. I nervously watched her, waiting for her to raise her voice at me, to lash out, anything- but all she did was stare at me sadly with her face scrunched up waiting for tears that will never come.

"Mama- "

She wrapped her arms around me again, slightly tighter than before, clutching the back of my head to her chest. "Oh Renesmee… It's alright…"

I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, dripping down my heated cheeks onto the front of her black silk dress. "No, it's not! I'm terrible for having these thoughts about my friend! I'm disgusting and- "

"Renesmee, it's okay. You're not horrible for having those feelings, they're normal, especially since your mind is quickly maturing. It's normal for a girl at your… maturity… to develop thoughts and feelings like that to someone who is important and close to you." She murmured reassuringly, running her icy fingers through my thick auburn hair.

Pulling away, I sniffed pathetically, "Really? I'm not a bad friend?"

My father chuckled to himself, "Of course not, Dear. You can't control how you feel for others. You're too passionate as an individual to do that. You care about everyone around you, a little too much most times. But that simply makes you, you. Unique and beautiful."

My face heated considerably my lips turning up at the corners, not yet quite a smile. I turned in my mother's arms so that I was facing him.

 _Are you angry with me?_ I silently asked, staring timidly at him through my lashes. I felt bad, like I somehow disappointed him. I tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear nervously.

"No, I just wish you weren't growing up so fast. It was barely even a few years ago that I was still rocking you to sleep as a baby. It's hard for both your mother and I to watch you develop into a young woman so quickly, experiencing new found feelings that people usually don't feel until their older than just six years old. But it's something I am going have to learn to accept." He replied solemnly, staring down at me, wrapping his arm behind me to grab my mom's shoulder, "It's something we're both going to have to accept, right Dear?"

My mother smiled sadly, stepping away from me and leaning into my father arms. "Yes."

I watched them, interested in the way they held one another. They truly love each other with everything they had, and I found myself yearning that. I wanted someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, whether I lived eternally or die sometime within the next few hundred years. It was uncertain how long I could live; the other vampire-human hybrid, Nahuel, was a little over a hundred and fifty years old and still doing very well. I may be able to live forever with my family, but always in the back of my mind I've reminded myself there was a possibility that I may not have that chance. But I still hope I could find someone I could spend my unforetold life with.

I looked downwards at the hard-oak floors, pretending to find interest with the toe of my boots. I quickly wiped my mind clean before my father could catch a glimpse of the thoughts I wanted to keep private, throwing it to the back of my mind like I was locking it in a safe.

XXxXxXx

I sat on the exam table in a blue hospital gown, watching my grandfather check my vitals. My grandfather, Carlisle, office has been transformed into a make-shift doctor office shortly before I was born for my mother's pregnancy. They never removed the equipment though because they wanted to monitor my rapid growth at home, without having outsiders getting involved and finding out about my special condition.

"Your blood pressure is doing excellent, as well as your pulse. You've grown another one and a half inches in the last two months, which means it's starting to slow down compared to times before that. I am guessing that you are getting close to being full-grown. Your body has been rapidly maturing as well, you've started getting your menstrual cycle regularly within the last year, though it is different than an average human, with you getting it every month for only a few days, sometimes just even just a couple of hours." He explained to me in his patient-doctor tone, grabbing a wooden tongue depressor.

"Can you open your mouth as wide as you can, saying ahh?" He asked, standing directly in front of me.

I followed his directions, slightly sticking my tongue out of my mouth as he inspected my mouth carefully. I gagged slightly when the wooden stick poked my uvula hanging in the back of my throat. He moved on to gently touching my sharp canines, feeling the tips of them before pulling away, tossing the tongue depressor in the metal waste basket in the corner of the room.

"Does everything look okay Carlisle?" My mother suddenly asked with interest from the entry way of his office, gripping the door frame.

He nodded, a small smile gracing his thin lips, "Yes, she is doing perfectly well. All vital signs are within normal range. Her blood pressure is slightly lower than some humans would be, but for her they're healthy."

My mother smiled, relief washing over her beautiful and flawless face. "That's wonderful. I'm glad."

I hopped off the exam table, standing up looking at Carlisle, "Thank you Grandpa, I'll let you know if anything changes."

It was an agreement that if something seemed off I would go straight to my grandfather, immediately telling him. There hasn't been much incidents where I had to do that, besides the time I got sick for the first time two years ago, and when I started getting my period last August. Other than those times I've just simply did my day to day things without a single worry in the world.

"It's a pleasure Renesmee, I don't mind it at all." He smiled kindly, affectionately grasping my shoulder before turning and closing the curtains at the large window that covered the whole wall; leaving the room with my mother close behind him so I could have privacy to change back into my regular clothes.

I quickly changed, putting on my clothes I had on earlier and exiting the small office without a second thought. Navigating my way through the large house I entered the main living area where the living room and kitchen resided.

My grandmother Esme was standing at the stove, finishing up cooking a panful of eggs and bacon. She glanced over her shoulder with a gentle smile. She wiped the invisible wrinkles on her shirt turning towards me. "Good morning Sweetie. I'm almost done with your breakfast. Would you like orange juice or milk with it?"

I walked up to the island in the middle of the large kitchen, sitting down on the bar stool and leaning on the counter. "OJ would be fine. Thank you, Grandma."

She quickly slid the eggs and meat onto a clear glass plate, placing it on the island in front of me before grabbing a glass from the cupboard above the sink filling it close to the rim with freshly squeezed orange juice.

I heard the glass door open and slam close, and I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. My heart started hammering against my ribcage erratically as a whiff of smoky bonfires wafted into my nostrils before I felt a warm hand place itself on my suddenly tense shoulder blade, his large body leaning over to look at me.

"Hey Ness! How are you doing this morning?" he asked, quickly stealing a piece of bacon off my plate and stuffing greedily it into his mouth.

My body felt too hot for what was regularly comfortable, but it felt addictively _good_ to me. I tried to brush that thought away from my mind. "Oh, hey Jacob. I'm alright, how are you doing?"

He stepped away from me, pulling back the chair beside me and sitting down. "I'm doing pretty good, been busy with pack stuff and work." He explained tiredly, "Hey Esme, can I get a plate too?"

"Of course, Jacob. It'll be ready in a few minutes." My grandmother replied sweetly, tossing almost half a package of the breakfast meat into a large frying pan.

Jacob has had a job at the auto mechanics shop on the La Push Indian Reservation for almost two years now, working a few hours a week to earn enough money to save up to getting his own place. He still lived with his dad in their small house on the reservation, and he wanted to be more independent. He got the job even though he didn't have a degree in anything doing with auto, but he still had a lot of knowledge about cars learning from self-experience and experimenting around with them. He also had connections with the owner so he was more accepting on hiring him, especially since he already knew quite a lot about cars.

Grandma Esme slid a plate heaping with bacon and half a dozen eggs in front of him, with a large glass of orange juice.

He literally started stuffing his face, many would be concerned that he would end up choking; after knowing Jacob all these years I knew I didn't have to worry about that. "Thanks Esme, you're awesome." He said with appreciation, his mouth full of food. If I didn't have advanced hearing, I doubt I would be able to understand a single word he said to her.

"Do you really have to eat like the mutt you are?" I heard my aunt Rosalie sneer from the other side of the living room, shooting him a glare, "It's disgusting."

"What do you call a basement full of blondes?" He quickly replied with a smirk.

"Shut up with the stupid blonde jokes!" She snapped irritably. This was a common occurrence when Jacob and aunt Rosalie fought. She would snap at him about everything really; how he ate, how he smelt, basically anything. He would always have a blonde joke to shoot right back, which never failed to anger her. Some of them were plain stupid, but others where sometimes hilarious. I always wondered where he got them. Did he seriously waste his time looking them up on the internet just so he could have a smart comeback to insult her?

"A whine cellar."

I immediately busted out laughing, slapping my hand over my mouth before I snorted. Beside me Jacob laughed heartedly, nudging my ribs with an elbow. "Good one, right?"

I shook my head, looking him in the eyes. "You're lucky that she doesn't rip you a new one, Jacob."

"You're fortunate that Renesmee cares so much about you, otherwise you've would've been dead years ago." Rosalie barked with annoyance. "Stupid mutt."

I felt my cheeks heat up at her statement, I quickly looked away from him down at the island; pushing my food nervously on the plate with my fork. I didn't really feel hungry anymore. That statement wouldn't have bothered me so much if I didn't have that strange dream last night, but right now it made me stiff with embarrassment. I know my aunt didn't know about the dream, only my parents did. So, I couldn't be reasonably upset with her.

"What are you talking about, Blondie? Everybody here _adores_ me!" He joked finishing up his plate and sliding it away from him.

"Yeah, whatever makes you feel better Jacob." My father replied, stepping into the kitchen with his arms folded over his chest. I felt his eyes on me, but I kept my head lowered to stare at my barely eaten plate.

"Here, you can have the rest, Jacob." I mumbled, sliding my plate over to him.

I felt his gaze on me before he replied, "You eat like a bird, Ness. Are you sure you've had enough?"

I nodded, sneaking a glance up at him. My stomach wasn't cooperating with all the butterflies swarming in my lower belly, it felt like they were going to burst out any second. I didn't understand why I had these feelings. Did they really all show up because of my dream the previous night, or was I slowly overtime developing these feelings and I just randomly noticed them today? I didn't know what to think, my mind was fuzzy and incoherent. I didn't want to be feeling these emotions for Jacob, he was my best friend and it was just going to make it awkward and difficult to be around him.

Glancing up at my father, I watch his gaze linger on me before looking over at the man beside me.

"She's okay Jacob, she just isn't feeling like herself today." My father replied to Jacob's unvoiced thoughts.

I looked between them confused, trying to figure out what they were communicating with each other- I was unable to do so.

"Did you have your monthly check-up with Carlisle this morning, Nessie?" Jacob asked me with concern, grasping my forearm.

I flinched at the warmth that shot up into my body, yanking my arm way from his light grip. When I looked over at him his face fell like he was hurt by my reaction. I felt terrible for making him feel that way, but I didn't want to accidently project my dream to him to see. He absolutely cannot see them!

"Y-Yes." I stuttered nervously, feeling everybody in the room eyes on me. "He said I am healthy, and is thinking that I'm almost full-grown."

"You've have grown a lot these past few months, you can definitely see that you been aging and maturing." Jacob replied, "I wouldn't be surprised if you're already done growing."

I felt my cheeks warm in embarrassment. Has he noticed how much my body been changing? Was it that noticeable? I knew I recently had to get a lot of new clothes after my breast fully developed and my hips widened after the latest big growth spurt. The only thing that has still been changing was my height. My feet haven't been getting bigger, and I been staying the same size for clothes for the past couple of months now.

"Are you really okay Nessie?" He asked nervously, grasping my tiny hand and squeezing it. He wanted me to show him what was wrong but I purposefully kept my mind blank to prevent myself from projecting anything he wasn't meant to see.

I bit my lip in concentration, willing myself to keep my mind quiet. "I'm fine Jacob, honestly." I felt some strange pang in my chest at my dishonesty. I never lied to Jacob before, much less to anyone in my family. It was a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach to lie. But it felt especially difficult to lie to Jacob for some reason.

From the corner of my eyes I saw his face fall into a deep frown, his eyes determined to find out what was bothering me. I looked up at my father, silently asking for some form of help.

"Renesmee, do you need some space?" My father asked, trying to hint it towards Jacob.

"Y-Yes." I mumbled weakly, pulling my hand away from Jacob's, a chill running up the base of my spine.

I didn't need to look in Jacob's direction to know his face was masked in confusion. I could already tell he didn't understand and what he was currently thinking. We always touched each other, what did he do that made it so I didn't want to have any physical contact? Was I mad at him?

"Ness- "

"It's okay Jacob, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to worry." My father interrupted to reassure him. "She is just having a difficult time right now."

"What do I need to do to make you feel better Renesmee?" He asked frustrated and concerned, ignoring my father's statement.

My breath hitched at the way he said my name. He never used my full name unless it was something serious and he especially used it when he wanted my undivided attention. I shyly glanced over at him through my lashes, biting the inside of my cheek to keep quiet.

I didn't know what he could do to make me feel better. I wanted to be honest and tell him about my stupid dream, so we can laugh about how silly it was for me to dream something like that. But I didn't want to see his reaction. I didn't want my strange and wavering feelings to interfere with our current relationship. I didn't want to show him my dream because a small part of me really _liked_ that dream; how good I felt being with him in my dreamscape, how strong my feelings were for him there just felt right to me, and I knew it was wrong. I knew deep down in my heart that feeling these emotions for my best friend was _bad_. He trusted me, and I would be breaking his trust if I were to suddenly show him all these feelings that he didn't reciprocated. I didn't even know if they were true and honest emotions, or my mind playing games with me. I didn't want to ruin our friendship based on feelings I don't even know if are real.

I could feel my eyes burn with the stinging of unshed tears of frustration. I love Jacob, he is my best friend and I trusted him with my life, yet I couldn't find it in myself to trust his reaction.

"There's nothing you can do. I need to figure it out on my own." I replied softly, standing up off the bar stool by the island and taking a step back. His hand reaches out for mine desperately, but I pulled away before he could grasp it.

"Renesmee, you're my imprint, I am supposed to help you!" He raised his voice in annoyance, "How am I supposed to do that if you are pushing me away?"

Mama told me when I was younger about Jacob's special bond with me. She told me how frustrated she was with him when she found out after being awakened as a vampire. The reason Jacob was so attached with my mother while she was pregnant with me was because he could feel a pull to her since I was there. Imprinting is a shape-shifter thing, where they feel the gravitational pull that kept them to earth shifted to a single person. They feel the need to protect them, and watch over them. That was how my mother explained it to me. I've never met the wolves' in Jacob's pack imprints, I been very sheltered growing up because of how different I was. They didn't know how I would be able to handle myself around humans, and they didn't want to risk it until they were sure that I had enough restraints to keep myself from attacking someone when I smelt blood. Jacob has brought me on the reservation a couple of times, especially when I was littler to see his father, Billy. Billy was a very nice man, and I enjoyed spending time with him, but my parents still weren't too comfortable with me meeting others when they weren't around. I met the wolves' in Jacob's pack plenty of time. They all hung around the house time to time, spending time with me. But I still wanted to meet the wolves' imprintees, I wanted to see how the wolves' acted with them and how the imprintees felt being imprinted on.

I liked my connection with Jacob, but sometimes like now, it made it difficult for me. It was extremely difficult not telling him my thoughts and feelings. It came as second nature to reach for his hand and show him into my mind, it became normal for us. As normal as taking a breath. But right now, I was having to hold myself back and it was extremely hard seeing him get so concerned about me and I was unable to tell him how he could help.

"I'm fine Jacob. Please just trust me." I asked my voice quivering uncontrollably. "I need to do this on my own for once."

Before he could have a chance to reply I darted from the kitchen out the back-glass door, using my vampiric speed to race away from the house. I could hear everyone rushing to the door calling out for me.

I can't handle this!

I don't want things to change between us!

I ran as fast as I could, pushing myself to my limit; urging myself to continue to get farther away from the house. A loud howl broke the air, echoing around the trees. I felt myself cringed at how pained it sounded. Jacob was upset and it was my fault. It was my fault that I couldn't control these emotions, that I was letting it interfere with me and my best friend's relationship.

I ran until my tears started blurring my vision, slowing down until I stood still in the dark canopy of the forest. I covered my hands over my eyes, my legs trembling barely able to keep up my weight. Instead I just collapsed to the forest floor in a heap, a loud cried coming from my mouth that I couldn't even recognize as my own. It sounded too pathetic and painfilled to be my scream.

Why? Why now? I didn't feel these emotions for him yesterday! I was so blissfully unaware of these thoughts mere hours ago!

I shook violently, wrapping my arms around myself to prevent myself from falling apart any more than I already have. I was bursting at the seams, my head spinning.

Do I love Jacob like that? Do actually have romantic feelings for my best friend? How can I be attracted to the same man that practically raise me? He changed my diapers, he bathed me, and bottle fed me. He couldn't possibly have any feelings remotely close to romantic love for me! It would just be wrong, and disgusting!

I pulled my hair at the roots, tears streaming down my wind burned cheeks. I was a disgusting monster.

I love Jacob. I _love_ him. I am in love with my best friend, Jacob Black. And that is wrong, taboo. Forbidden. I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my lip until I could taste the metallic taste of my own blood soak onto my tongue.

" _Ness, you don't have to be afraid to show me your feelings."_

Yes, I do Jacob. Because I can't risk losing you.

 **I hope you enjoy this! Please leave a review with what you think of it so far!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Renesmee, please don't do this. You need to hunt." My father spoke with urgency, shaking my shoulder roughly like it would somehow shake some sense into me. "You're thirsty."

I stared back at him, showing no emotion whatsoever. I felt numb, and very tired- just plain exhausted. To be honest, I knew I was thirsty. My throat was burning so hot that it felt like there was a branding iron pressed against the back of my esophagus. I wasn't stupid, I knew I needed to hunt; but at the same time, I wasn't motivated enough to even care. Why should I even feed?

I was a disgusting human being. Well, human-vampire hybrid, but it still didn't change the fact with how disgusted I was with myself.

It has been almost a week since I've last seen Jacob. No, it wasn't like he stopped coming to see me- instead I was the one avoiding him. He would pound his fist hard enough on my bed room door to shake the surrounding walls, demanding me to open the door and talk to him. Sometimes even fiercely begging me. But I continued to refuse. I didn't deserve to be in his presence, I didn't deserve to have him as my best friend. I didn't deserve having Jacob in my life at all. I was worthless.

"Renesmee, please sweetheart, you need to hunt." My mother begged from behind my father. Her brows were scrunched together with concern, her eyes pleading and desperate.

"I'm not thirsty, or hungry for that matter. I'm completely fine." I denied to them with a straight face. My hands were trembling at my sides. I avoided looking them in the eye, because they tend to reveal when I was being dishonest- but I knew my father could obviously see through my lies, literally. I didn't even have to ask him to know he was searching through my thoughts, trying to piece together why I was refusing to take proper care of myself.

I didn't understand or even knew why I was struggling so bad. It shouldn't be this hard on someone, especially me. I was an emotionally stable girl, I could handle things that would break regular people; yet I was ripping apart at the seams because of these confusing feelings for my friend. It shouldn't feel this bad. I've seen plenty of romance movies with the same scenario I was going through. Girl falls for her guy best friend, she feels like she is walking on egg shells around him trying to keep her secret; he somehow ends up finding out, and they somehow end up happily ever after in the end. But that won't be the case with Jacob and I. Jacob doesn't see me as any more than a little sister, or close friend. He can't possibly love me in the way I was currently desiring. He was almost like an uncle in a way with how he have been in my life ever since I was born. He and my mom were best friends once upon a time, which was probably why he was so compelled to stay around. It also didn't help that he was "imprinted" on me. He had no choice over the matter, it was some shape-shifter thing where they were destined to protect only one person on this earth. But I've never met another imprintee like myself; I've only met other shape-shifters like Jacob, so I didn't know if it was possible for a wolf and his imprint to have a romantic relationship. Maybe some other imprintees felt the same as me, where they loved the person who imprinted on them. Or maybe I was all alone. I was unsure, but I felt like my parents and Jacob were retaining a lot of details regarding the imprint bond- I wanted to know more, what the bond really meant for us. Would we always be this way, or will things eventually change?

I moved my eyes past them to stare at the wall. Everything has been becoming dull lately. I couldn't concentrate on anything for too long. My vision was fading in and out, and I could barely understand a word they were saying to me. Even my own thoughts were incoherent and jumbled.

 _I am so thirsty. Also, I am tired. I just can't do this._

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the bright sunlight pouring in from my windows that my parents opened the curtains to. My head ached, and my throat was throbbing at each beat of my rapid heart. But I pushed those feelings away; I tried to focus on the people in front of me.

It has been like this way for a week so far, shortly after my father found me collapsed and sobbing on the forest floor. He carried me home that night, trying to comfort me.

" _Renesmee, you don't need to feel guilty about these emotions you've been having. Jacob isn't going to stop being your friend just because of these newfound feelings; you don't need to beat yourself up over something like this." My father murmured quietly, picking me up like I weighed a mere feather; tucking a loose strand of hair behind the shell of my ear._

" _You don't know that for sure." I mumbled tiredly, burying my face into his shoulder. "I don't deserve to be his friend. I don't deserve Jacob."_

" _You won't know for sure either if you don't give him a chance to try and understand." He softly replied._

Ever since my father brought me home I've been isolating in my bedroom, desperately trying to escape these confusing thoughts and feelings. I didn't want to risk seeing Jacob, because I didn't know how I was going to hold myself together. But it felt physically painful to be away from him. I've never been away from Jacob this long ever in my life. The longest I've gone without seeing him was two days, but even then, he was calling me to speak with me at least once a day.

I love Jacob, but that was bad. It was wrong of me to have feelings for my best friend; especially if he practically helped raise me. He would probably feel disgusted for being intimate with someone who he spent changing their diapers as a baby; even if it were only for a couple of weeks. I would feel dirty if it was the other way around, I could just imagine how he'd feel.

"Edward, what are we going to do?" My mother whispered harshly to him, trying to appear calm. "She is going to starve herself to death if we don't do anything…!"

"We won't let that happen Bella. I refuse to let her do that to herself." He replied quietly, trying to comfort her. "She will eventually snap out of this, I know she will."

I watched them with limited interest, not completely being able to follow the conversation. I wasn't going to starve myself to death. When I got the energy, I will go out and hunt. Whenever that was I was currently unsure. I could feel my head slowly lopping to the side before I quickly caught myself. God, I was so exhausted. My throat was on fire, and the pit of my stomach was hollow. My eyes fluttered, trying extremely hard to keep them open. I've never felt this type of pain before, at least not this intense. I have gone a while without hunting before, but that was only a few days- it has been a little more than a week now. What day was it even now? Eight, nine? I've already lost track. The days has mushed together in a blur.

I heard the slam of the glass door downstairs beneath my room, and a waft of my favorite smell entered my nostrils. Smoky bonfires. The only reason I could identify that scent was because a couple of years back we had a camp fire in our back yard. He taught me how to make a fire, and we roasted marshmallows even though I just eventually spat mine out because it was too sugary for my taste. I can still remember him laughing at my reaction.

" _Most people love this stuff Ness! I can't believe you don't like it- I practically lived on this stuff when I was younger!"_

 _I tried to spit out the mush the stuck to my tongue, rubbing my mouth on my sleeve. "It just feels like sweet glue in my mouth!"_

 _Jacob._ I thought tiredly to myself.

I could hear him stomping up the stairs angrily. The scent of him now hitting me like a pile of bricks, my mouth started instantly watering.

My eyes quickly widened in shock; I swallowed trying to get rid of the excess saliva filling my mouth. What in the world was wrong with me? I was hungered by the smell of him! This is wrong! Disgusting! My friend isn't some savory meal, even though he currently smelt appetizing. I fought the urge to smack myself across the face. Jacob isn't food! He's my friend!

"Renesmee, it wouldn't be this bad if you would just agree to go hunt." My father tried to explain with exasperation clear in his voice. "You're only making it difficult for yourself."

I flashed my eyes to my closed bedroom door, panicking. "I need him to leave. _Right now._ "

My mother looked between the two of us, her eyes showing confusion. "Honey, you can't avoid Jacob forever. It's just not possible!"

"Mom." I hissed bitterly, "I _can't_. Not right now!"

She continued to watch me confused. Of course, she didn't understand why I was getting so worked up- she didn't have my father's ability to read my freaking mind!

I could hear the clunking of his thick boots on the wooden floors in the hall, quickly approaching my door and I could feel myself beginning to gain focus. My previously blurry vision grew sharper, I could feel my canines begin to lengthen, my mouth was watering. Horrified I backed up to the wall, pressing myself so hard against it I could've easily merged with the light-yellow paint. My body wasn't listening to me, it was thinking I was going to try and hunt prey! And right now, the only living being in the house was the man stomping up to my bedroom door.

 _He needs to leave. He needs to leave now!_ My mind screamed at itself in panic.

Suddenly there was a loud banging on my door, the walls rattling along with it. I froze, trying to root myself to my spot without doing anything stupid, anything I would later come to regret.

"Open up the damn door Ness! I'm growing sick and tired of your games!" He barked loudly, "You are going to speak to me and tell me what the hell is wrong!"

"Jacob, it's best if you were to wait downstairs for now." My father warned, "She is currently struggling."

"Oh, hell no! I'm not going to wait around anymore! I don't care what you tell me to do; she needs me!" He argued with irritation lacing his deep voice.

"P-Please Jacob, j-just stay away." I croaked with a stutter. My throat felt extremely hoarse, and it was difficult talking with my fangs being enlarged. I could barely understand my thoughts right now; instead they were focusing on his heart beat on the other side of the heavy, wooden door. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to block out the thumping of his blood-pumping muscle. My head was throbbing to the beat of his heart.

 _Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump._

I felt cold hands on my shoulders, bracing me. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was my mother. I refused to open my eyes, I kept pushing myself back against the wall; trying to prevent doing something I didn't want to do.

Flashes entered my mind, making me freeze in fear. I could see myself draining the life out of him slowly while he struggled within my hold, until he went limp in my small arms; his breath ceasing and his heart thudding to a painfully silent stop. I could see his dark, hot blood all over my hands and soaked on the front of my shirt as I pulled away from his throat hesitantly- letting him fall to the cold, hard ground. His eyes open, but dull and lifeless. Dead. My eyes staring down at my hands in shock.

I gasped at the image, recoiling in terror. My eyes flew open to stare up at the eyes of my concerned mother. She leaned down towards me so we were eye level, my brown eyes staring into her golden orbs. Her cold hands cupped my flushed cheeks. "Honey, I won't let that happen." She reassured quietly.

I blinked at her before I realized with horror that I transferred my thoughts through where she was touching me; my face quickly falling.

"That's it! I'm tired of this waiting game- I'm coming in right now!"

The wooden door slammed loudly against the wall, the noise hurting my sensitive ears. I could hear his boots stomping against the hard wood floors, coming to a complete stop. I looked up to see my father blocking him, Jacob standing before him radiating pure anger. It practically oozed out of his pores. He tried to step around my father, but he quickly moved to prevent him from coming any further.

"Jacob, you're not going to be helping her right now if you get too close to her." My father explained sternly in his protective fatherly tone.

Jacob glared at him, "Why not? She obviously needs me! I can help her feel better- all what she has to do is tell me how I can help!"

I held my breath, trying to prevent myself from smelling him. If I can't smell him, maybe I won't feel the need to attack him. Maybe I can just go on my jolly way, and pretend that nothing is wrong! Everything will be just peachy!

 _Take him. Devour him whole._ An unknown voice spoke to me. I felt my whole body stiffen at those words echoing through my skull. _Devour him._

My fingers twitched at my sides, itching to grab him. My body jerked forward, but was stilled by my mother's grip, holding me firmly against the wall. I opened my mouth, wanting to say something but the words were dried on my tongue. Instead my mouth just stayed gapped open, struggling to speak, or cry out; I was unsure in the current moment.

One part of me wanted to tell Jacob to run while he can, get as far away from me as he possibly could; but a greater part of me was fighting not to go and throw him against the wall and ravage him until I felt satisfied.

 _Devour him._

"Renesmee, you need to get ahold of yourself." My mother told me fervently, her strong grip tightening on my biceps. I winced at the hold, the strength of her grip painful. I wouldn't be surprised if I was already bruising, yet my body continued to move on its own- struggling to get out of her restraints. I jerked forcefully, barely holding back a snarl.

"Bella, stop it! Let her come to me!" Jacob urged from behind my father. "I want to help her!"

"Jake, you need to stay out of this right now! Can't you see how difficult you're making it for her! Get out and come again later- after she has eaten!" She snapped back at him with irritation.

 _Devour. Devour. Devour._

"The only way you can help her right now Jacob is to get out of the room, please listen to our precautions." My father urged, glancing back at me.

I swung my arm out, trying to get past my mother desperately, clawing violently at her back; trying to get out of her grasp. My nails did nothing to her though, it felt like dragging my nails over a hard cement wall- causing my nails to break and the beds to bleed. I could feel my throat pulsing in pain, making me gasp for breath.

"Bella let go of Ness! You're hurting her!" Jacob commanded angrily, ignoring my parents' warnings.

My mother finally realizing how tight she was gripping me let go in fear, letting me slip out of her grasp and fly past her. My dad for once didn't react fast enough, probably surprised that my mother released me. I collided into Jacob's hard chest, listening to him let out a loud gush of air at the impact.

Jacob grabbed my forearms, holding me back- yet keeping me close. His warm hands felt like they were melting the skin where they gripped me, yet it still instantly calming me. My tense shoulders dropped, my whole body going loose, I tumbled clumsily into his hold.

"Ness, are you okay?" He asked with concern, pulling me up to him. My mind was becoming foggy with his natural overwhelming, strong scent coming off him. "What is wrong?"

My ears focused on the thudding of his heart underneath my ear that was pressed to his broad chest. Each beat causing my mouth to salivate more and more.

I urged myself to ignore it, my head swimming with confusing thoughts. _Devour him._

 _Shut up!_ I yelled to myself. _You're disgusting!_

"Jacob, she needs to hunt. She hasn't fed herself in over a week. It's best if you don't get too close to her right now." My father warned.

"Renesmee, how could you do that to yourself?!" he asked in both anger and concern- continuing to keep me close, "What is bothering you so much that you are avoiding me and not taking care of yourself?"

I tried to speak, but instead I was gasping out incoherent words. I was tongue tied, and I could barely understand what was happening, or even what I was feeling currently.

He grabbed my right hand, squeezing it- silently asking me to show him what's wrong. His grip was tight, hot enough to cause my hand to begin sweating. My thoughts started to race erratically, jumping to and from anything that popped into my mind.

Before I showed him something I didn't want him to view, I fearfully yanked my hand out of his; stumbling backwards and holding my small palm to my chest protectively. I watched his face fall in confusion and shock, before anger masked his expression.

"What are you hiding from me?!" he yelled in frustration. "Why don't you trust me?"

I swallowed, shaking my head. "I-I do trust you!" I yelped, staring up at him, "But I don't want to disgust you!"

His brows scrunched together in confusion, his mouth gaping open before snapping it shut. "Why would I ever be disgusted with you Ness?"

I felt tears fill my vision, hot and stinging the brim of my eyes. I opened and shut my mouth several times, trying to find the right words to say. Instead I panicked. My heart raced and my palms became clammy. My hearing focused on the thudding inside his chest- which was beating faster than normal because of his anger, which did nothing to help the situation.

 _Devour him._ My thoughts urged.

 _I need to get away from him!_

I quickly darted around him without a second thought, turning into the hall wall and running down the steps two at a time before throwing open the glass door with a slam, running out into the forest desperately trying to get away from him.

Trees whirled by, yet it was slower than I usually ran. I was struggling to run my full speed. I tried to push myself to go faster, to hurry and find something to satisfy my cravings. The sooner I fed, the better I would feel. The sooner I get something in my system, the easier it would be to be around Jacob. I didn't want to hurt him. I would never want to intentionally hurt him- if I did, I would kill myself.

But it was difficult, how was I going to catch a prey when I could barely run faster than an average human right now? Did I really wait too long to feed to a point that my body was beginning to shut down on itself?

All my senses were still heightened, yet everything was in a blur. I couldn't keep track of where I was running, what direction I was in. Everything just slipped past my mind. I don't know how long I was running for before I felt a strong grasp close around my wrist, yanking me to a painful stop, my shoulder loudly protesting.

The warm hand instantly warned me it was who I was trying to run from, yet I stood rooted to my spot. I was trying to catch my breath, my body filled with dread.

"Nessie, I can help you." He spoke sincerely, his warm hand moving down my wrist to grip my hand tightly. "You just need to tell me how!"

I tried to yank my hand out of his but he kept his firm grip. I wasn't even strong enough to pull away from him. My strength was gone, whoosh out the damn window! I usually was just as strong as him, sometimes even a little more so than him. But now it was like I was an infant compared to him. Vulnerable and defenseless.

 _I'm so hungry. I'm so tired._ I thought bitterly, tears once again filling my eyes to the brim.

 _Devour him._

 _Shut up! I can't do that to Jacob!_ I mentally screamed at myself.

"Ness, it's okay." He said soothingly, pulling me to him. I continued to struggle, trying to push myself away from him.

"N-No! No, it's not!" I cried out hoarsely, tears freely flowing. "You need to let me go before I hurt you Jake!"

Ignoring me he leaned down falling onto one knee; pulling the back of my head so my face nested in the crook of his neck. He held the back of my head protectively, running his large hand through my thick but messy hair which hasn't been brushed for days. It instantly calmed me, even though my heart still raced with panic.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of his pulse that I could hear with my forehead pressed against the carotid artery on his neck. My mouth watered, and I swallowed deeply. I tried to will myself to ignore it. To think of something else, anything that will distract me, but the only thing I could currently focus on was the strong thumping of his heart through his chest that was pressed against my own.

"Jake- " I choked out, but he quickly shushed me.

"It's okay." He promised, "I don't mind."

I felt the warm tears drop off my chin onto his black shirt. I sobbed out quietly, clutching his shirt tightly and pressing my forehead against his collarbone. "I can't! I just… I just can't do that to you!"

"Just do it Renesmee." He ordered sternly. His hand that was gripping my own squeezing hard enough to crack my fingers.

The images from earlier danced across my eyes. Him dropping to the cold, hard ground in a boneless heap. His eyes staring back at me lifeless and dull. His blood that was pooled on my shirt, sticky in my palms as I stared down at the red stains in horror.

I trembled, trying once again to pull away from him; yet he kept me placed firmly against his broad chest.

"I won't let that happen, Ness. Come on, hurry. I know you need it." He mumbled softly, comforting me while running his hands gently through the knots in my hair. My eyes widened when I realized I showed him my thoughts. When I was this tired I couldn't control it like I usually could. It was like I was a baby again, showing everybody every little thought that crossed my mind. Flustered I struggled in his grasp, but he refused to release me.

I cried out in frustration, "N-No! Jacob, no! I can't- "

"Renesmee! For god's sake, just do it! You've done it before!" He commanded in his alpha tone. His voice clearly laced with irritation.

When I was a baby I bit him on accident when I was getting impatient with bottle they were warming up for me. That was how they found out I was nonvenomous- because if I were to be venomous I've could've killed Jacob. A vampire's venom was deadly to shape-shifters, it would instantly make them drop to the floor dead.

"But that was when I was a baby- I didn't know better!"

He gripped the back of my nape tightly before roughly pressing my face against the indent of his throat. Holding me there tightly he murmured quietly, "Do it, I'm not letting you go until you do."

His smoky scent was overwhelming me, making my mind foggy with need. I could feel the hot tears stinging my vision before I snapped them shut, squeezing them tightly in fear. I held my breath for a second before letting out a full gush of air.

 _Just do it Renesmee._ I heard his voice echo through my aching skull. _Just do it._

Shyly I inched my left hand up to cup his face, my other palm wandering up to his shoulder to pull the offending garment out of my way. My eyes slowly open to stare at his reaction, to see if he was going to be reluctant about his decision. Instead he just glanced back at me, his eyes showing no negative emotion. I opened my mouth, dragging my canines against the column of his thick neck hesitantly, feeling his body tense underneath mine.

 _I'm sorry Jacob._

I quickly sank my fangs into his hot skin without further hesitation, the blood instantly rushing into my mouth. He grunted at the initial feeling of my canines sinking into him, before relaxing; yet keeping a firm grip on me. I swallowed the first mouthful, the sinfully sweet liquid wetting my dry tongue. Having human blood for the first time in years was extremely refreshing. My eyes fluttered close at the flavor, which in some way tasted like fresh, warm honey. I didn't remember it tasting this sweet when I bit Jacob when I was younger- then again, I was little; but I still have an excellent memory. My tongue lavished against his skin, trying to keep the blood from spilling out of my occupied mouth, him jerking underneath me. I started to suck more eagerly once I began to feel more comfortable. With each drop that fell down my parched throat the more like myself I began to feel.

I didn't feel as weak and brittle as I did just mere moments before, energy was now rushing through my veins. My hearing became clearer, I could hear the leaves ruffling in the trees above us that I previously missed; my thoughts also became clearer, and less jumbled and confusing. I cupped his cheek more, bringing it closer to me so I could better access his throat. My right hand moved past his shoulder and wandered around to the nape of his neck, tangling my fingers the small curls at the base of his neck tickling my digits.

He let out a deep groan, tightly grasping his hand in my tangled hair, gripping a large fistful. He was letting out gushes of air, panting heavily and pulling my body closer to him. My body merged itself with his hard curves, my figure pressed firmly against his own.

My mind wandered, thinking about how good it felt to be pressed up to his warm body. How I didn't realize how much I've been craving- no, needing- his touch. I wanted him to continue to touch me like this. I wanted more from him. I needed more from Jacob than what he was currently offering to me. I wanted _everything_ Jacob had to offer. His soothing touch, his affection, his mind, his body- absolutely anything involving him.

"Ness..." a low moan falling from his lips, his grip loosening on me.

Fearfully I pulled back, the warm crimson liquid dripping down my chin onto his black shirt. I stared down at him in terror, scared that I took too much of my share. Did I lose control when I was drifting around in my thoughts? I would never forgive myself if I hurt him!

"Jake! I-I'm sorry!" I cried out horrified. "I shouldn't have done this!"

He looked up at me, his eyes hazy and his russet cheeks flushed in a dark red hue; his breathing harsh and uneven. His let loose a few low chuckles, grabbing my hand once again and giving it a tight squeeze. His other hand, pressing down on the oozing wound. "It's okay Renesmee. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did!" I cried out in horror, reality sinking in quickly as I wiped away the blood on my face with the sleeve of my shirt. "I drank human blood! I'm breaking the Quileute's Peace Treaty!"

"Ness, it's alright. You didn't hurt anyone- "

"No! I hurt you! Jacob, I'm so sorry!" I sobbed, covering my face with my hands, "I'm a disgusting monster! You're my best friend, and I treated you like you were some type of meal!"

He grabbed my forearm, pulling me down to him so I was on my knees before him. He reached down to grab my trembling hands; instantly relaxing me. "I'm _not_ sorry. I helped you, and if this for some bizarre reason this were to happen again I would do it over a million time over if that meant it would help you again. You are not disgusting Ness. Just because you must survive on blood doesn't make you a disgusting monster, it doesn't even make your family monsters either; the real monsters are the ones who chose to kill humans purely for bloodlust, just for fun. You are nothing, absolutely _nothing_ like them. Nessie, I love you; I would do absolutely anything for you."

My face flushed at his confession, my heart beating erratically under my left breast. It made me extremely happy- but sadness still panged in my chest.

 _Not in the way I want though._ My mind whispered to itself quietly. _He could never love me the way I want._

"What do you mean?" He asked dumbly, his face masked with confusion.

I quickly yanked my hand out of his grip, holding it protectively against my developed chest. How could I be so damn stupid! I didn't even realize he was still holding my hand!

"It's nothing!" I quickly yelped, flustered.

He reached out to pull my trembling hand away from my chest, holding in firmly before squeezing it. "Show me."

I shook my head frantically, willing my mind to stay silent. If he were to find out about my dream- even my newfound feelings for him, he would drop me like a hot potato and leave me. He would never want to see my face again. He would instantly disappear out of my life.

He gripped my hand tighter, urging me to tell him. "Jake, I can't."

"You mean you don't want to. You can always show me how you are feeling, what you are thinking, what you want- Renesmee, why are you starting to keep secrets from me? You used to tell me everything! But lately you've been avoiding me, what did I do to make you uncomfortable with me?"

I swallowed, the excess taste of his blood remaining soaked on my tongue, sending a strange hot feeling in the pit of my stomach. I watched with interest as he removed his hand that cover my bite mark, the blood dried up and the wound already healed over. I sometimes forgot how easy he could heal himself since he was a shape-shifter, but then again Jacob rarely injure himself- unless he messes around a little too roughly with my uncles, then he spends a good hour pissing and moaning about how stupid the "leeches" are, but he would quickly retract the comments when he saw how much it bothered me. He hasn't called them that nick-name for a while though, mainly just "assholes" and "douche bags".

"It's nothing you did." I whisper, fully aware he could hear me just fine, "It's all my own fault. I am ruining everything."

He looked at me expectantly, his hand that held mind becoming uncomfortably warm- but it was still soothing in a weird way. I sighed, my shoulders tensing.

I slowly let my thoughts drift out of my hand into his, already regretting it.

I first showed him my dream- how I noticed him in a different way as he laid in the meadow. The feelings of adoration and love I felt looking into his eyes. My accidental slip of telling dreamscape Jacob my feelings.

" _Ness, you don't have to be afraid to show me your feelings"_

I shuddered at that glimpse of memory from my dream, knowing fully what part was coming next and I desperately tried to skip it- to somehow prevent digging my grave deeper than it already was, but before I could I envisioned him leaning down towards me flashed before my vision, and the feeling of my dreamscape Jacob lips crashing against my own. I quickly scrolled past it trying to make it shorter than what it really was, make it seem less important.

I showed him the guilt I felt when I awoke from the strange dream, how confused and frustrated I felt at that moment. How I quickly came to realize how _much_ I like him. Then the shame that caused me to run away from him a little over a week before. I then showed him how the days blurred together the longer I refused to see him. How each day got more intense and painful than the last. I trailed on those days for a while. How alone I was feeling, the confusion that was causing me to fall apart. Finally, I closed it off with the disgust I felt about myself for having these strange feelings for him.

I opened my closed eyes, blinking them a few times just noticing how dark the surroundings got since I left the house. How long have we've been out here? What time of day was it? There was still some light shining through the canopy of trees, but it was obvious that the sun was close to setting. Possibly five more minutes of light before the night settles on the horizon.

I glance reluctantly at him when I finally gained a small ounce of courage. Even with both of us on our knees he was extremely taller than me. His eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn't recognize; causing me to panic. I pulled my hand away from his grasp; which he for once let go willingly.

"I-I'm sorry Jacob." I spoke softly with my voice quivering slightly, looking away in regret. "I understand if you are now uncomfortable to be around me- and wouldn't want to spend time with me."

I felt his hand grip my chin, yanking it up so I would have solid eye contact with him. My lip trembled in fear- fear of I don't know what, the unknown? I wasn't positive.

"Renesmee, what you showed me doesn't make me uncomfortable." He started hesitantly, "What makes me uncomfortable is the fact that you hid this from me for so long."

My mouth gaped open slightly before I snapped it shut.

He continued, "Ness, I will be whatever you need me to be. Whether that is a protector, or a lover, or a friend."

"Jake?" I questioned quietly, confused. I could feel the butterflies flying in flurries in the pit of my stomach as I stared back at him. He had a strange look on his face- one that reminded me of when he was sleepy. His eyes were half-lidded, his dark chocolate brown orbs staring intensely into my own light brown eyes. It looked like he was leaning in closer, but I was unsure. Everything was either moving in slo-mo… or I was imagining things?

"What do you want me to be Renesmee?"

"You aren't disgusted with me? You aren't disturbed by this?" I asked bewildered, ignoring his previous question.

He chuckled lowly, looking highly amused, "Ness, why would I be? You're my imprint, we were meant to always be together."

"But I thought that imprinting was where you destined to protect someone?"

"That was the easiest way to explain it to you when you weren't fully mature yet. I wanted to give you a chance to adventure out on your own, whether I liked it or not. Ness, imprinting is different in each case. Most of the time a wolf will imprint on someone around their own age, making them immediately ready for a romantic relationship; but with you it was different. I imprinted on you the day you were born so obviously I couldn't have a romantic relationship with an infant. That would just be wrong in so many levels.

I started off as your protector, because at the time that was what you needed. You needed to be protect from the Volturi. But when you grew more and we were past the incident with the Volturi, we became friends because that was what you needed. That was all you needed until now, until you started to feel different for me. I waited for you to develop these feelings for me before I were to do something- and I would've patiently waited even longer because you are worth it Renesmee."

"Is it hard for you to shift feelings for me?" I asked shyly.

"I've always loved you Ness. My feelings have changed over time also, so no, it's not hard to 'shift' feelings for you."

A small smile spread across my face, my lips trembling. I opened my mouth to try and say something but I was speechless. Instead I reached for his large hand, pulling it closely to my chest and hugging it. Tears filled my eyes for the umpteenth time that day, but it was the first time that it was joyful ones.

"What do you want me to be Renesmee?" he asked once again, his voice sounding husky and deep. It instantly warmed my cheeks as I stared up at him. Tears continued to stream down my flushed cheeks.

"I want you to be mine." I replied softly, my heart heating as fast as a hummingbird's wings.

He grinned, laughing, "I was already yours to begin with." He dragged his hand up my chest, rubbing up against my neck before softly cupping one of my blushing cheeks. I shuddered at the intimate gesture, gasping in a breath.

I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes for a few moments before looking back up at him timidly, grasping my hand around his.

He leaned down towards me- and this time I knew I wasn't imagining it. His face was literally getting closer to mine with each millisecond that passed. Finally, he was just a breath away, our lips almost touching.

"Do you trust me, Ness?" He asked softly, his eyes staring straight into mine.

I nodded, unable to form the correct words, instead I squeezed his hand silently replying.

 _Show me for once, Jacob. I trust you._

It must have been the answer he was looking for because not even a moment later his lips were upon my own; forming into them like a puzzle piece. They were warm, hot even, as they pressed against my own- almost hot enough for them to melt. I closed my eyes tightly shut, leaning more into him, my hand moving away from his to trail up his broad chest, up around his neck, until my fingers tangled into his black curls on the nape of his neck- tugging him roughly to me.

The hand he had cupping my face angled it, so he was now kissing me as he tilted to the side to get better leverage. He pressed his own urgently against mine, his lips moving in an addicting pattern that left my lower stomach boiling in heat.

His other hand wander down to the small of my back, his hand teasing the skin revealed at the bottom of my shirt- his fingers slowly slipping under, but not traveling any higher.

He nipped at my bottom lip, tugging on it. Taking a hint, I hesitantly opened my mouth- his tongue instantly rushing in to rub against my own sensually.

I moaned loudly, my unoccupied hand reaching behind him to grip his neck; trying desperately to pull him closer to me, but failing. His hand that previously was cupping my cheek moved behind me, resting it on the ground as he gently pushed me down, the hand that rested at the bottom of my back bracing me to keep me from slamming into the forest floor. Once I was laying completely on the ground, he pulled away. Breathing heavily as he stared down at me. I didn't realize how much I need air until I was breathing again, gasping lightly.

He leaned down to me again, his lips brushing against the corner of my open and waiting mouth before connecting our mouths together again. I spread my legs open, allowing him to come closer to me before wrapping my right leg around his narrow waist and wrapping the other around his meaty thigh, pulling his body closer to me.

Jacob let out a groan into my mouth, his tongue searched eagerly around- rubbing against my own, the roof of my mouth, and eventually against my teeth. He was fixated on my canines, his tongue lavishing it- rubbing sensually against the tip of it.

I continued to squeeze my eyes shut, savoring the feeling of him rubbing up against me. Our hips were pressed against each other so close that if felt like they were merged together as one.

We kissed for a while longer before he had to pull away for us to catch our breaths again. My chest was heaving, trying to take in as much oxygen as I could. I stared up at him, grabbing ahold of his flushed cheeks pulling them closer to me.

"I love you, Jacob." I gasped out.

He grinned down at me his hand tangling in my hair. "I know." He joked.

I frowned back at him before he quickly replied, "But you should already know by now how much I love you, Ness. You're my everything. You're like the sun to me. I couldn't live without you."

I smiled back brightly, pulling him down to me once more. My hands cupped his flushed cheeks, rubbing my thumbs affectionally against his high cheekbones.

 _You're my everything also, Jake._

His grin softened, his eyes landing on mine with a look of pure adoration. He leaned down further, placing his warm lips on my own before eagerly kissing me. I was instantly breathless at the intensity, my hands slipping behind his head to grip what little hair he had.

Jacob's hand tangled in my thick locks, pulling away from me. He breathed heavily, panting for a few moments.

"Can you tell how much I love you, Ness?" He asked his voice deep and soothing.

" _It's louder than thunder_." I replied, my voice watery as tears leaked down my warm cheeks.

 **Completed! My first story I've ever finished, I hope I did it justice! Leave me a review with how you like it! It wasn't meant to be a long story anyways, I just wanted it to be a one-shot, but it got too long, so I made it a two-shot!**


End file.
